Where has all my creative energy gone?

My creative energy is going somewhere that it’s never been before. A new, nourishing, dark and wildly mysterious place holds all my creativity these days.

Specifically, my creative energy has been staying in my womb to nourish a new life.

I’m pregnant with my first babe! As I write this, I am well into the 4th month of my pregnancy, and am feeling abundantly grateful.

I am grateful to be a mama and feel a new layer of myself unfolding, to my baby for choosing my husband and I to be his/her parents, and for this wild feminine body of mine to carry and nourish a child.

Each pregnancy, like each of our lives, is so unique and different.

mama_babyI’ve had to completely surrender to the pregnancy process and all of it’s mystery. I’ve had to let go of all the things I know from being a birth Doula and pregnancy coach to be fully with myself and all my ever evolving needs.

I am living in this lesson:

Surrender helps you stay present through all you want, desire, and need.

Through surrendering, I’ve learned to be present with my happiness, my concerns, my quickly changing body, my intuition, and my need to R E S T.

Here are 8 ultimate surrendering truths that I have learned from pregnancy: 

1) Expectations and comparison to others really zap you of your joy. I spent a large part of my early pregnancy looking at pictures of other newly pregnant mamas. I thought this would inspire me, but what ended up happening was a spiral of comparison. I learned early that this comparison was not only hurting me, but hurting my baby. I turned off the social media for a few weeks to re-calibrate my needs and to learn to let go of my expectations. I let the joy back into my life as I recognized my individual path of pregnancy.

2) There is not much “to-do” when you find out you are pregnant. I felt overwhelmed in my first weeks of pregnancy, imagining all the things I must DO. Right? Not really…

For instance, I thought by getting pregnancy confirmation from a care provider that THEN I’d truly be pregnant. Not true. I was pregnant no matter what, and my body/soul had a million ways to tell me this if I just stopped thinking so much about pregnancy. Learn to calm down and listen to your intuition in all matters of your body.

3) You will change your creative focus in ways you never knew. 

For me, I went from a woman who does it all in one day to one who’s main concern was sleep and eating several bagels to survive in one day. I surrendered to this lifestyle change, big time, knowing it was what was best for me at the moment.  

Shedding your expectation skin and learning to accept what is underneath will help you establish inner peace.

4) Give yourself permission to follow your instincts. In this time of pregnancy, I am giving myself permission. Permission to read a book that has no real meaning, to eat pizza a couple times a week, and permission to listen only to myself and my inner wisdom.

I’ve learned to say no to people or activities that don’t work for me. Healthy boundaries and learning to say no may disappoint people, but your self-care and your baby’s health are sacred. Permission. Give it, own it, love your life more deeply because of it. 

5) Your years of meditating will swoop in to help you. Start to practice meditating and prayer NOW, dear one.

The changes in my body felt fast and immediate (I was showing at 6 weeks). This coupled with some extreme morning sickness and lots of emotions (so many tears!) left me grasping (and very thankful for) the years of cultivating spiritual and mental health tools. In the first weeks of my pregnancy, I didn’t meditate. I was too sick, too hungry, too tired (see permission vibe above). But, I found that my meditation foundation still lived inside of me. I couldn’t wait to return to my practice once I felt better. Now that I can sit again, my appreciation for the the wonders of meditation and reflection is through the roof.

6) Your baby’s daddy is going through this all, too. It’s pretty easy to feel isolated during pregnancy. In one way, you are alone: no one else but you is going through what you are going through. But remember that your child’s father is also shifting in ways that are isolating. Seeing this connection between you will soften you from going into victim mode when you feel alone or misunderstood. Ask him often how he is feeling. Talk about becoming parents together. Find ways to show affection that aren’t merely physical.

I consider myself so blessed to be married to a man who is aware of his feelings. My honoring of his journey to Fatherhood has helped me to surrender and be accept the love that is growing deeper between us and within me.

Love truly wins over all fears. Love your baby for all it is, and is not. Don’t fear what you may be doing wrong or right. Love yourself for all that you are and are not. Choose love, every day…over and over.

7) Learn ways to love your body unconditionally. Because every day will be very, very, very different. You will look different, feel different, and experience the space of the world differently. Learn ways to appreciate what is before you, right now.

8) People (strangers) are going to give you more advice on your body and pregnancy and your life than you ever knew possible. Learn to see the good in the situation and them. See that they are really trying to connect. Then, take their advice with a grain of salt and listen only to yourself and your baby’s evolving consciousness.

I’ve been eager and excited to share these truths with you as I learn more about my life, my creative energy, and navigating change through the lens of being pregnant.

Yet, I don’t know how much I’ll be writing about my pregnancy on this blog. I’m surrendering my need to be a perfect business owner/blogger/share-er during this precious time of my life.

I simultaneously feel like I want to share all my aha moments and feel deeply private about this internal baby making process.

With that said, I am brewing up a few ideas to keep my creativity content thriving for you in the new year.

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My wish for you, whether pregnant or not, is that you find a relationship to the idea of surrender. Read my blogs here and here about my journey with surrender in other non-pregnancy aspects of my life.

Thank you for being here. And for all the things that you whole-heartedly want in your life, may surrender sweep in and guide you to your dreams.

R o s e

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