Life lessons learned from years of being a pregnancy coach
First off, as I approach writing this blog, I need to give a disclaimer.
This is not a blog about what food you need to eat, or the type of pre-natal vitamins you need to take before becoming pregnant. There are a ton of websites that tell you all of those things, but you’d be really better off to ask your Midwife or Doctor if you want answers there.
This is a blog about truth. This is a blog about what I know to be real from being a coach to women approaching pregnancy. This is a blog about my honest experience watching Moms gloriously surrender themselves to push a baby from her body. This is a blog I write for myself, for if it’s in God’s plan, my plan is to be a mother one day.
These are the things that if I could, I’ve give to every woman before she becomes a mother.
One of my best friend’s is an adoptive mother, and I honor her and those like her in this post.
This post is not just about being biologically pregnant or about being pregnant at all: it’s about the big life shift that happens, and if you are not ready or self-aware, it will feel like it’s happening to you rather than because of you.
Today as you prepare for pregnancy, these are the things to know:
Love your body unconditionally: I put this one first for a reason. Your body is beautiful. Each curve and wrinkle and angle and weirdness has it’s purpose, because it’s you. If you become pregnant, and are a healthy weight when you conceive, you will gain weight. Anywhere from 25-40 pounds, sometimes more. Does that freak you out? Ask yourself why in the world it freaks you out. After your babe is born, your body will be different. Not worse, not better, just different. Love your body as she is now, before the changes, and your pattern of loving yourself will get you through your new body experience.
Be okay asking for help: No one, no matter how well they know you, can read your mind. Some people in your life are better at just doing the thing you need before you need it, but that’s not always a given. Start a practice, outside of calling in some words on social media, of truly calling your friend and saying I need help. Now is the time to get comfortable not having it all together and seeking support from your tribe.
Deal with your emotions: When you are awaiting your child, more than likely your emotions will be heightened. That means your tears, fears, joy, and bliss will all be at a new level of experience. When your babe comes a long, you may not get the time you want to deal with the things you haven’t dealt with yet. Feel your stuff as it comes up, ask yourself what is this emotion truly telling me? and get clear about where you need other advice or coaching to move through your emotions.
Trust your partner: If you have a partner to begin your new chapter, this is for you. Trusting your partner means a lot of things. First, it means trusting him to be who he is. It means trusting him enough that you can reveal all that you are. Next, it means being able to be naked, vulnerable, and honest with him. Trust that if you can’t be physically intimate for a while that you will be okay. And lastly, it means trusting him to a parent to your children, to teach them the things he knows is true and real about the world. Re-commit to the trust from where built your relationship forth.
Be okay with the unknown: Baby’s due date is a big one that comes screaming in here as unknown. I am awaiting my dear friend birth to a baby boy, and am reminded of that pressure that a new mama feels when the due date comes and goes.(helpful hint: you don’t have to tell anyone your due date!) There are a lot of other ways that the unknown will be brought forth for you: who your child will be, what your birth experience will be like, how you are going to parent, etc. Knowing that you don’t know the answers will help you be gentle to the experience of pregnancy.
Find your life purpose: Or at least be seeking your life purpose constantly. If you feel that motherhood is your life purpose, then own it fully. But never ever make your children your life purpose. Your babes will have their own life purpose, unique to them as their DNA, separate from being your babe. Know that by finding what makes you excited about life and then going for it will help you be a better parent.
Practice self-care: In connection with the above idea, practice ways that you can actively encourage your health and wellness now. Take walks, find creative expression, take long baths, read a book for pleasure, rub your feet every night…these are all ideas that bring you home to you.
Heal your relationship issues: Whoop. I did it. Well, at least I said it. I believe healing your relationship issues is super important before you have children. I don’t mean heal your hurt re-hashing everything you feel has hurt you from your past. What I challenge you to do is to forgive yourself for what you’ve let hurt you over and over. Forgive others for the same. Feel it, then heal it. No need to dwell in or live from a place hurt or upset as you continue your family tree with your new one.
Seek joy: Some people describe parenthood as: the days are long, but the years go by fast…or something like that…well, take time to seek joy in your day NOW. Find what makes today meaningful, even if it’s just seeing a new bud emerge from your favorite flower bush Start a practice of cultivating happiness, and giving gratitude for your life, and invite a present state of mind into your being.
This is my list for you today. I know once I become a mom I will, if I have the time, have another list of things I so dearly want you to know.
I write this because I believe that healthy minds and healthy bodies can heal the world with the next generation they are birthing.
My service is to bring you everything I’ve got, coach you fully as you enter into pregnancy and motherhood, and here I share in hopes you will take one one or all of the above ideas as you bring in your next chapter of life.